you're trying to replace yourself

 you would think that maybe it's the hangover making me feel like shit, but honestly, I just feel lonely. it feels like i just can't keep any friends around and I'm starting to wonder what I'm doing wrong. I mean, if all of my friendships end, I'm the common denominator, so it must he something wrong with me. I don't know. maybe it's all my fault.
I just want to go home and sleep all day. pretend that I'm not so deeply unhappy with the trajectory of my life. at least I'm lucky enough to have the love of my life by my side. I feel blessed by that, truly.
anyways time for lunch! gonna eat my comfort meal of baked beans & rice 🍛

 started expanding my base on the server i play on, why not yap about it lol


i expanded my main hallway here, it used to just be those 2 doorways until the other day when i made it longer and added the other 2 doorways further down. i kinda had to wait until i had more deepslate iron ore lol i usually hate mining but i've been doing it a lot lately.


the doorway near the end of the hall on the left i ended up turning into a villager trading hall. i didn't want to rely on shops for the books i could need if i ever had to remake my armor & tools, and i just needed some guys for empty maps and bricks! villagers suck so zombie curing and setting all 32 villagers took probably 8 hours. absolutely awful LOL. but hopefully i wont need to do it again any time soon.
next up will be making a few more simple farms with villagers, such as carrot, potato, & wheat. i know its easy but im super not looking forward to it .-. i just hate working w/ villagers. but i must finish my farm output hallway, it looks absolutely awful:



so next on my list for this base:

• finish farm output hallway (and subsequent farms)
• finally give myself a bedroom!
• auto-smelter & potion brewing setup
• decorate my nether hallway possibly?

 someone who i thought was a friend blocked me on everything today. meaning that they lied to my face when they told me that nothing was wrong and that they were just having a mental health moment. idek what to think. i really tried, i was communicative, i tried my best to be attentive and open. idk what more i could have done, i guess. i still have no clue what they're upset with me about. i've been mulling it over all day and i just can't figure it out. i suppose sometimes in life we all have to grapple with a loss with no closure. time will heal. i just need time to pass a little faster, i guess, lol.